Sorry for the delay. It's been a really busy week. Also sorry for my sorry ass excuses XD.
CHAPTER 4
“The Bible says Jesus performed no paltry, meaningless miracles, what
then do you call walking on water?”
-Anonymous
Our
failed attempt to see if he had powers was foolish, especially in hindsight,
and a waste of time because. Frankly, we had not expected him to have biblical
powers in the first place. But as J.C.
had put it, at least we knew then for sure (as we had presumed since day
one). There was, however one thing that
the exercise revealed to us. We realized
that Jesus still didn’t quite understand his importance, especially to us.
In
the years since our time with Jesus one of the most frequently asked questions
has been exactly why, after all his education, that we then let him decide on
his own what to do, especially in light of his origins and being a clone. So I
would prefer to address that now; Before Jesus was cloned, before we had even
selected him, we had made it clear to ourselves, our staff, and everyone else
involved, even though a clone, Jesus was still a human being, and as such, had
the inalienable right of freedom and more importantly free will, which we were
determined to respect. Because of this,
after his education was completed, we deemed him capable of deciding what was
best for both himself and the work we were doing, even if at times it
conflicted.
After
the Potomac River incident, we conducted our regular tests on him to ensure he
wasn’t getting ill or his body wasn’t falling apart. At the time it was
hypothesized that there could be rapid cellular deterioration. Most cloned
animals only lived a few years before they would die prematurely. Fate was
shining on us, and that isn’t what happened. Fate, God, luck, call it what you
will, was on our side. And I believe our fears were justified. This was the
first cloned human. Who knew what might happen. We had no idea what to expect
beyond basic textbook predictions. Luckily though, the textbooks were for the
most part correct, with little deviance from their predictions. Jesus was fine, healthy as a horse despite
his near brush with hypothermia.
It
was after this event we sat Christ down on a couch and explained to him
everything that he was, going far past the Bible. We spoke of the many wars fought in his name,
all that had been claimed to have been said, done, and achieved by him in the
past. We told him about the countless
who had died in his name and that many more likely would. How loved and respected, feared and revered
he was held. And then of his original
origin, reminding him as well of his well. And lastly we told Christ of our
full plans concerning his going public, and how he conceivably could become as
important as his past self because of who he was. He nodded his head at each
remark and took it quite well for a man who had just been told with a harsh
finality that he was the most important man in recorded history. I’m not sure even since that Jesus understood
his importantce he had to the world, let alone to us. That last would be enough
for anyone. I suppose it would only be later when he could really grasp that
importance. But I’m jumping ahead, my apology.
After
that you could say things calmed down.
J.C. relaxed a lot more, some of his wild intensity gone-- Thankfully
leaving him mellower most of the time.
However, our message may have fallen on ears more interested in other
aspects of what we had spoken of. Jesus became quite interested in religion
thereafter, his insatiable thirst for knowledge having not been satisfied by the
Bible alone. We brought him, as he
requested, the Qoran, the Torah (which he got bored with very quickly since he
had already read it) Talmud and Tanya, the Sacred Vedas and Bhagavad Gita. The
Heart Sutra and Diamond, Tao Te Ching. And he could spit their epistemology out
like a pro. He learned of the many, many other religions throughout history,
drinking what holy texts were available for him to from them.
Jesus read them all straight through for three
weeks constantly, a book a day with a few exceptions, and then read them again.
He took breaks only to eat, sleep, and go through our physical and
psychological tests, sometimes even reading during his physicals whenever he
got the chance. When he was done, he
tossed the holy books aside, sat on the couch, and watched television for two straight
days as he mulled through all he had read.
Exhausted
from his marathon of reading and television, Jesus then slept. Upon waking, he resumed his television
marathon again, starting with both Rush Hour movies. For some reason even I don’t understand
Christ really liked action movies – I guess Jesus really was a man. Then he switched
to Comedy Central, and much to our chagrin, watched Dogma, laughing throughout
the entire film. It seemed almost as if
after our second attempt to press the importance of who he was he disliked
Christianity. Considering the people’s
moral track record though, I could hardly blame him. I think it was then he chose Kevin Smith to
be his role model. Thank God, though,
that he never got around to Dave Chapelle, or heaven forbid, George Carlin or
Lewis Black.
_____________________________________
Time
passed and I found myself talking with Dr. Goffell and the multiple other
scientists on our staff about finally going forward. It was a decidedly firm,
yet oddly unresolved matter. We knew we had to, but in a way did not want to. We had delayed it as long as possible for
concerns of what could happen once we did.
Honestly we had
many deserved fears about what would happen.
But the real reason we hadn’t already and reveal Jesus, much to the
annoyance of our investors, was we simply didn’t want to see him hurt. Naturally we knew there would be much
criticism on our part, and though we expected and could take it, we didn’t want
Jesus to have to go through that particular gauntlet we had made for
ourselves. Who knows what some religious
nut job might try to do?
After much
discussion, we agreed to go public six months to the day from then, and
perusing our options, eventually put in a call to the FOX media network to let
them know, swearing them through contract into confidentiality until the day we
released the news. We also decided, in
no small part from my own influence, that we needed to move to New York City , the
figurative capitol of the world for the rest of his education.
Now I know, that
was a mistake to go to FOX first, and I wholeheartedly blame Dr. Goffell for
the idea. But at the time they had the greatest audience in the United States.
They could have reached far more people than the other’s. But what directly
followed was the sole reason we nixed utilizing them.
Two months later,
after having moved to New York City and our decision to go public, a
representative from FOX came to speak with Jesus. They had already signed a
non-disclosure agreement- they couldn’t break that without us suing the hell
out of them, and plus, known for spreading rumors (again not the most reliable
network) none would believe them without our endorsement.
He
walked through the building, arrogant and caught up with himself in his jet
black suit, combed back blonde hair, all while sporting a smug smile. Oh, and a Bostonian accent, the most smart
assed of all accents. He strode past my
secretary and into my office, taking a seat like he owned the place. He had no
manners, not even greeting me when entering.
He
sat stiffly in the chair across from my desk and as I rose to extend my hand to
him he sat still, ignoring my hand and staring at it, almost as if it was a
diseased object.
“So
how can I help you, Mr.…?” I asked, relaxing back into my chair and lowering my
hand. He sniffed the air disdainfully
and looked around my office before placing his feet on my desk.
“We
have received no reports on your produce you wish to speak about, and hence why
I am here,” he drawled, still smug, completely ignoring my request for his
name, as well as not mentioning his position or which part of the company he
was from, leaving me at a loss as to what to call him.
It
felt strange referring to Jesus as a product, but in a sense, at least
business-wise he was, albeit an expensive and incredibly important one. I didn’t like how FOX’s representative referred
to Jesus as a product, finding that kind of thinking repulsive. I wondered at the time whether or not I could
kick the man out, and if he refused, could I have had the guards remove
him. Ultimately I decided it’d be a bad
idea when it occurred to me that there was a good reason he had come, as well
we had acquiescenced to FOX’s request for the direct meeting. But I had not
expected confrontation, and it rankled me.
“Just
why am I here. Why did you go to our media network?”
“It’s
funny you say that…” I started, and decided to drop the bombshell. “We came to
you to speak about Jesus Christ.”
He
gave no reaction, I suppose because this was FOX after all, the most
conservative station in the United States. Considering most of their viewers
and constituents were Christian, this was a subject they were used to.
“And
we would like to announce we have cloned him.”
An
angry expression dawned on the representative’s face. He sighed, obviously
annoyed.
“Cut
the shit,” he said angrily. “You’ve been
wasting not only our time but yours as well.
Fraud is a very serious
crime,” he demanded, adding the latter part after a brief pause. I admit, I was unsure what to say. I was trying my best to ignore his wasted
attempts to intimidate me. It was, to be
frank, annoyingly condescending on his part. He stood. Our meeting hadn’t even
been three minutes.
I
waited several minutes more before trying again. “I’m serious, we have copies you can take-” I
started, taking the first of many massive folders I kept on my desk which
documented our work. He looked coldly at me as he took the folder.
“Why
don’t you give me a few minutes to look this over?” he asked, a thin smile on
his face. I stared at him blankly,
unsure what to say or do. “I’ll call you
back in when I’m done,” he spoke coldly as his look had been and then looked
back down at the document. I didn’t
move. “Oh, you’re dismissed,” he said
nonchalantly and glanced back up before continuing to read.
I
stood up angrily, my cheeks flushing and moved outside to where Mrs. Pereniel,
my secretary was and sat angrily in the chair in front of her desk, next to my
own office door.
“What
are you doing out here?” she asked me, confused.
“Shutap,”
I uncharacteristically snapped back in annoyance, and shifted in my seat. She went back to work, smiling. I was not exactly pleased at getting kicked
out of my own office.
Ten
minutes later he summoned me back inside.
My secretary looked up and I could swear as I closed the door she was laughing
quietly at me. He set the folder down on
the table behind my desk and swiveled in my
chair to face me. At some point while I
was in the hall, he had switched seats.
His feet were still on my desk.
_____________________________________
“Chris,” I said using Dr. Goffell’s
first name. I rarely use it unless in
private. He looked up at me
expectantly. “We have a problem,” I
said.
He
stood up from the test he had been running, lines of concern streaking across
his face. “What is it? Has something happened to Jesus?”
“He’s
talking to him right now.” I said
hurriedly and turned toward the door, starting towards it. I looked back to see if Dr. Goffell was
following me.
“Ah,
shit,” The good doctor swore, already knowing what I was talking about, and
hurried behind me, falling in step.
_____________________________________
I started to turn the doorknob to
my office when the door swung open.
“Hey
there Eric, Dr. Goffell,” Jesus said, nodding in my direction and then my
associate’s. Jesus gave me a high five
as he walked past, pausing briefly to say hello to my secretary on his way
out. The representative watched from my
desk as we entered.
“Well,
he seems to be in order if not a little screwy, just as your reports indicate,”
he said, still sitting in my seat. He
shook his head like I had wanted to shake my own. He had clearly misconstrued everything in the
folder, which concerned me.
“Screwy? What do you mean? How?” I asked and glanced
at Dr. Goffell who met my eyes. He clearly didn’t agree with the man’s
deduction either.
The
representative shrugged.
“Well,
I gave him an extensive questionnaire, as our employers requested, and then a
psych test. When he was done with the
two, I interviewed him. He mentioned
he’s been reading religious texts lately.”
His eyes narrowed, “why?”
“Wouldn’t
you want to know where you came
from?” Dr. Goffell asked. The man didn’t
respond, I guess his way of conceding my associate had a point.
“And
these tests…?” I asked tentatively.
“Psychological
evaluations.”
“And
on who’s authority did you administer these?” Dr. Goffell inquired, asking
before I could.
“My
company’s, and my own.”
“And
you always keep these at hand…?” I asked, somewhat weirded out.
“Not
normally, but your outrageous claim warranted it. Even though we had no idea
what you intended to present, let alone a purported Christ figure…”
“As
for the psych tests…” I prodded, trying to broach the subject of the man’s
conclusion again. The man nodded.
“Yes?”
he asked.
“There
are no tests today that can give a prognosis that quickly,” I started.
“True,
but we won’t have to wait for the results to know that he’s screwy. He was
playing with a yo-yo while I asked him questions. Seemed to be enjoying it
quite a bit at the company’s expense as well as my time.”
I
slapped my hand to my forehead in exasperation.
“That doesn’t make a person imbalanced though.”
“If
you wouldn’t call that imbalanced, what would you call it?” he asked. I almost shrugged, I honestly didn’t
know. Jesus had a lot of tendencies and
personality traits I couldn’t explain.
It was Dr. Goffell who spoke first.
“Eccentric.
Out of the box. Quirky.” I nodded my head, agreeing.
“What
about his answers?” I asked, and the man switched his attention back to me. He
nodded again and looked down at his clipboard.
“See for yourself,” he said and haphazardly tossed it at me from across
the desk. Here are some examples of what I read.
Name: Jesus Christ
Age: Somewhere across 2,000 years I am either two
years of age, and thirty-five from what I’ve been told.[1]
Sex: (Maze?)
Question 1: Do you believe that you are Jesus
Christ? If so, why?
Answer: Yes, of course. I am the exact physical clone
of him, and if you don’t believe me, I’m sure everybody else in this building
will be more than willing to prove you incorrect.
Question 3: How old do you perceive yourself being?
Answer: Somewhere between two and a half to
thirty-four. I don’t really consider it, but we celebrate my birthday once a
year, and have done so twice. I really
like cake.
Question 7: Are you comfortable with your present
surrounding?
Answer: Yes, the office is nicely furnished and this
chair is extremely comfortable.
Question 28: Do you consider yourself a good, or a bad
person?
Answer: Person is apparently a subjective word. I believe I am a person, as well as a good
one though there is always room for improvement. How bout you?
Question 35: If you had the choice to have a gold bar or
feed a hungry family for a month, which would you choose and why?
Answer: Neither, there are better ways to solve
problems than with just money.
Question 37: If you had a personal motto to live by, what
would it be and why?
Answer: My personal motto would be to treat others as
you, yourself would want to be treated.
(I could clearly see through his writing, and half erased in the
background were the words ‘It Can Be Hell Getting into Heaven’, a tagline from
his favorite movie, Dogma. I guess at first he had chosen to go for jokes and
then decided half-heartedly to be serious.)
Question 48: If you could meet two people in the world,
dead or alive who would they be?
Answer: Kevin Smith and Xena, the warrior princess
Question 50: Which do you feel is more important, reason
or faith?
Answer: They are the same in a sense. Faith is nothing more than reasoning used to
explain things that facts and logic cannot explain. My hand is also beginning
to feel cramped.
Question 79:…
And
so it went, question after question.
Some Jesus had answered seriously, others he blew off entirely. But reading over the answers to the ethical
questions, what a soul was, what was good and just and what was bad and wrong,
one could almost sense he knew more than he let on. Reading them it was almost as if he was the
original Jesus, the one that had died on the cross for man’s sins, was writing
the answers. It was the first inkling
that maybe, just maybe, he was actually the messiah from the old days, come
back in a much more modern form and mindset.
And
who knows? It’s entirely possible that
what made the original J.C. who all his followers believed him to be was all
genetic, a predisposition in his DNA to being enlightened and understanding the
universe and its ups and downs. From
that point onwards, I realized I would have to keep a closer eye on what Jesus
did, hoping to see if maybe he was what we had more than hoped to achieve in
the first place.
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